As beams of green laser light illuminate the thick, white smoke rising around your body, don the polarized Von Zipper Sunglasses, and top-rock out into a techno-fueled dance frenzy of wasted college students and 35-year-old virgins. Behind distortion-correcting and impact-resistant polycarbonate lenses, your eyes stay safely shielded from flying vials of psychotropic substances sailing over the crowd. Even if you catch a little bit of dimension-altering fluid in your eyes, you'll still scope the club glare-free thanks to the polarized lens coating. Find some open dance floor, stuff these flat-face, throwback-style shades in your breast pocket, and school all the break-fakers with the one-handed-windmill-to-handspring you learned from online forums ... classic.
