Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage

And guess what? That doesn't make it a poor book only a different one. Can everyone who read Eat, Pray, Love and are considering reading this one please understand this one point? Look, if you're anything like me and love books you'll invariably find authors every once in awhile that resonate or appeal to you. Very often when this happens I'm apt to look a little more into their background to find out where they're coming from. This is always an interesting exercise and in the case of Miss Gilbert her background as a magazine writer, mostly for men's magazines informs her style. Thus Last American Man was written very much as a reportage of what she saw. Eat, Pray, Love recounted her adventures in finding herself after a difficult relationship and divorce. For those expecting another such book I think it's a little unreasonable to expect Miss Gilbert to be revisiting something she's presumably resolved. Committed is the natural extension of this journey as she finds a man, falls in love and begins quite naturally to question all that we as a culture heap on the concept of marriage and being committed. Having reached middle age and lived her life up to this point largely as a single woman she brings to the examination a more mature and balanced viewpoint than is currently popular in so many reality shows which continue to belabor the old canard of a "fairy tale romance". Not that these don't exist but romance and marriage just like infatuation and love are all very different things and Miss Gilbert deftly addresses these along with many of the cultural trappings that surround the institution of marriage. Hers is a fairly thorough but never tedious overview of how different cultures define male and female roles, expectations and dynamics not only today but through history. The issue of children, to have or not have them is one that many couples should read before embarking on yet another commitment all on its own! All in all a very interesting read, an active reflection by a woman who is facing a choice many of us make or have made at early stages of our lives but who now looks at them through more mature and dare I say more sober eyes. Are some of her views unorthodox? In some cases 'yes' but that's precisely what makes them refreshing. My wife and I read it together finding it raised many interesting topics for discussion. I would recommend Committed to anyone who's in a relationship, married or not. A book worth reading is one that hopefully raises challenging issues - Committed is one of those books.

It sure is great when you are a good writer and then have something happen in your life that is worth writing about. Elizabeth Gilbert did the classic "If life gives you lemons, then make lemonade," with her book chronicling her round the world trek to recover from her painful divorce ("Eat, Pray, Love"), and it now looks as if she has done it again with "Committed - A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage." While anyone, no matter how skilled, would find it hard to surpass the pasta in Italy and romance in Bali of the bestseller "Eat, Love, Pray," "Committed" does a pretty good job. Few of us ever have to manage what Gilbert and her sweetheart Filipe had to go through in order to be together. Thank goodness. "Committed"'s very first chapter is so hair-raising that the rest of the book can't help but be a bit of a downer. Even so, Gilbert's meditation on her ambivalence about marriage - really, she wasn't ambivalent at all, she started dead set against ever marrying again - is excellent reading for people who are having some hesitation about moving towards legal commitment to another.

I first added this book to my to-read list in April 2012. I didn't actually pick it up until December 2013, and I am very glad I waited until then. You see, on November 29, 2013, my boyfriend proposed to me. Having just accepted his proposal made me an unusually receptive audience for this book. This book ignited numerous conversations between me and my fiance. We talked about how to behave in such a way that reduces the risk of temptation from others, how to split household chores and incomes in such a way to increase our happiness and chances of success and stability, how we would balance our careers with the demands of a newborn. We talked about what marriage meant to different people, and how it varied depending on a person's culture and value system. I read the whole passage on the profile of what couple was statistically least and most likely to divorce. That is why I gave this book five stars. It made me ponder my own situation and discuss it with my partner, and while it certainly isn't a primer on marriage, it made me feel like I have a better idea of what I'm getting myself into and the things to watch out for. While I read the majority of this book silently to myself, there were passages that I read aloud to my fiance, and, if I asked nicely, he sometimes agreed to read it out loud to me. When he was reading, I sometimes got confused between the words Gilbert had written down and occasional commentary of his own, because Gilbert writes in such a conversational tone! Not sure if everyone likes that, but I did. Since sizable chunks of this book were essentially research findings, her conversational tone made the book much more readable. I also really admired her ability to be so forthcoming with her own faults. She even goes so far as to list her top five biggest personality flaws! She is very intimate with her reader audience. Not only do I greatly respect that, but I think it encourages the reader to take a very honest look at him or herself as well. It certainly inspired me to do so: I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my fiance where we both discussed our flaws and shortcomings, and how to overcome them as a couple. The ending of her book kind of made me roll my eyes, because after chapters and chapters of her going into all her misgivings about marriage, she included a final chapter that expounds on one small thought on marriage that she found encouraging. She seemed to be trying to end on a positive note, but it just seemed like she was grasping at straws. And right when I was literally, physically rolling my eyes, I read this line "Do I sound like I'm trying to talk myself into something here? People, I am trying to talk myself into something here." Which, by the way, brings me to an interesting side note: While the book is listed on Goodreads with the subtitle "A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage," the book I bought from Amazon had the subtitle "A Love Story" (and a much uglier cover). I believe the subtitle was changed for later versions of this book, because the original one wasn't entirely accurate. I certainly would not go so far as to say that Elizabeth Gilbert had made peace with the institution by the end of the book. On the other hand, this book is much more than a simple love story, as this book explores marriage across cultures and history, rather than focusing only on a single story. Gilbert's ultimate conclusion is not one of sunshine and roses, it's a much more subdued conclusion that marriage can be terribly risky and involves a great deal of sacrifice, but sometimes, it's your best option. If that sounds like a crappy book to you, you probably shouldn't read this. But if you're open to hearing why marriage can be disadvantageous to a woman, why getting married for love instantly makes your marriage more likely to fail, and what warning signs to watch out for, then you'll get something out of this book. Personally, I suspect that the information I have imbibed from this book will influence my thoughts and actions for years to come.

I guess I should have read these reviews! My Mom gave me Eat, Pray, Love as a Christmas gift in 2008, and I loved it! I went through a divorce from 2005 - 2008 (it seemed it would never end), and EPL just spoke to my soul and my experiences. I was anxiously awaiting Committed based on how much I loved EPL. I was expecting Committed to be, well, an EPL 2. As I said, I should have read these reviews. For others who are expecting a sequel similar to EPL, this is not it. Committed does have some personal stories intertwined, but it is really more of a study of marriage. Gilbert talks about the history of marriage and marriage-like unions and even dispels some myths. She discusses the impact of marriage on women. All very interesting, but I found myself wondering when the personal antecdotes would come back and, simply, just when will this turn into EPL 2? Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this book. It was a fast, interesting read and I learned a lot. However, if all you really want is a sequel to Eat, Pray, Love this might not be the book for you.

I loved this book so much that I have read it 3 times and have since given it to my sister and my friends. I love Liz Gilbert's writing style, honesty, humor and candor. Marriage is a very touchy subject for a lot of people and I find her brave for taking it on from her own point of view and tackling her own concerns and fears about marriage. She voices many points that I have grappled with and thought about myself. The conversations that she's had with her friends and loved ones are very similar to the ones that I have had with mine. I find the negative reviews that I have seen here very harsh and unwarranted. Liz's way of going about making peace with something that she was unsuccessful at in the past and analyzing why it wasn't in order to ensure a different outcome the 2nd time around makes sense. It's more than what most people do when they are contemplating marriage at all. They just jump in w/out thinking or having any kind of critical conversations with their soon to be spouse. I found the research that she did on marriage eye opening and compelling. This book has made for some great conversations with my husband and in my circle of friends and family. In the end, I think the main point is about opening up the conversation about what you think the definition of marriage is. Asking yourself what are your expectations, what role do you see yourself as well as your partner playing in it? These are things that need to be discussed way before the proposal comes along. It is sad that for most people, these things don't get talked about until there is already a problem in the marriage. Even if you don't agree with her take on it, the important thing is that it gets you thinking and talking about what you do believe, which is important for you to know first and foremost before you bring somebody else into your life and ask them to share it with you.

It's a bit odd to read a book about marriage when the scenario in the book is an exact mirror of the current status in my life situation. I am a 37 year old seeking to marry a 55 year old. We come from different worlds, but have shared much about life's journey over the last five years. Commmitted gave me an appreciation for the hisotry of marriage and a bird's eye view of it from different parts of the world. The first half of the book brings much history to life, the second half is about Gilbert's world and remains that way until the book is done. Gilbert gets to the point about the struggles of beginning a committed relationship, she raises good questions and is eventually able to answer them for herself and her reader. A good read, and a fast one, espeically considering the personal ties I had to her story.

Having enjoyably read Gilberts previous book - Eat, Pray, Love - I was thrilled to hear from a friend that she had published this new book. I love the way this woman wrestles through issues, demons, in her life. Her authenticity is refreshing. The depth of research on her topic is obvious. Thus, in this book, you will learn a lot more about Elizabeth and her family as well as about marriage. As a pastor/counselor I would highly recommend this book to anyone either contemplating marriage or within a marriage. There are a plethora of nasty cultural notions out there that need the light of day focused on them. Elizabeth does this well. She had to. She had been married, divorced, didn't want to get remarried, but would have to again - to continue in a relationship with Filipe, the man she loved. This book wanders somewhat naturally from her real-life, personal experiences, then into brief forays into research about marriage. Her presentation of the academics of matrimony are almost always just enough to explain her context, yet not so much as to bore the reader. Similarly, her travels and nostalgic recollections are just enough to engage the reader, yet not so much as to create a book merely composed of the anectdotal. I found this a creative and useful blend of the profound and the personal. Lack of knowledge, as well as fear to duplicate a previously noxious life encounter, predictably paralyzes millions of us from moving into joy. Elizabeth had created and existed in a box of anxiety regarding marriage. Circumstances, though, well described in her book, compelled her to re-examine her self-imposed parameters for relationships. Her study was self-help, cognitive-behavioral therapy at its best. She chose to admit and confront her preconceived notions about marriage with the facts. She chose to listen to the experiences of friends and family who shared with her the truth that her fears, though legitimate, were not the whole story. Finally, Elizabeth breaks free from her past and embraced what she had previously and adamently rejected - marriage. Armed with a revised and healthy perspective, she chose to marry her beloved.

I'm a big fan of Elizabeth Gilbert. I happen to really enjoy her style of writing and absolutely love her voice in the books I've read from her so far. She is funny, forward, and has no time for beating the bushes. I love her attitude towards life and her curiosity of the world. She allows us to remember that we are all more alike than you think. This book is sweet, charming, and perfect for a morning read with coffee and a soft blanket. Okay, seriously though just don't get into this book with high hopes of it following Eat, Pray, Love because it is kind of different. This book revolves around cultures and perspectives on marriage with some historical aspects what constitutes marriage. It's all very interesting! I am glad I gave this book a chance and went into it with the right mindset. This book happens to align with me in some ways and I am sure it will with you too- in one way or another. Whether you're young and have thought of marriage, about to get married, or just flat out over it because theres just too much when it comes to marriage to the point where you don't want to do it anymore.