How to Be an Imperfectionist: The New Way to Self-Acceptance, Fearless Living, and Freedom from Perfectionism

Having read his Mini Habits book and found it helped me use my time more profitably instead of wasting it ( I have been retired for over 20 years) this book was very welcome. Anyone who feels their output I.e. re housework even just gets less and less when retired will know the feeling of realising one's standards are dropping. We try to keep up an impossible perfect house say and end up doing nothing at all because we can't. This book has shown me how to accept a more relaxed " good enough" standard without feeling guilty. It is not a case of having a could not care less attitude but questioning whose hoop are we trying to jump through to achieve perfectionism and why . Well written and thoughtful. Easy to understand and put into practice.

Actionable tips to live an imperfect life! It’s liberating to be less of a perfectionist! Action first strategy, quantity over quality!

I have been waiting for this book for 7 years. Dare I say it is perfect (for me). Succinct, it goes into enough theory for me to understand and believe in the strategies. I already feel calmer and I haven't quite reached the end of it (the final Chapter summarises the strategies introduced in the rest of the chapters, so that you have a handy guide all in one place - taking away the perfectionist/procrastinator's excuse of not being able to find them easily.) Thank you so much Stephen you have literally changed my life.

I have read a couple of books on perfectionism but this one definitely brought me the most value. I was fully aware of my perfectionistic tendencies but this book made me realise how big impact on various areas of life this trait has. It has helped me with my family relations, romantic relationship and much more. I would highly recommend anyone who calls themselves a perfectionist to read this book.

If I had a £ for every time this man mentions his previous book in this book, I'd have enough money to refund me this book, buy the book he is clearly more proud of, and then refund that one as well. The advice in this book isn't bad, but there are a lot of stories and examples to reiterate points which simply don't need reiterating for the fifth time, and the useful material i.e. the domino effects of perfectionism and some small behaviour changes to combat them, could have been explained and conveyed in a book of about 30 pages rather than this 200+. There is a lot of stereotyping which is a bit cringey to read in 2021, some fairly toxic ideas about gender roles, body types and health and wellness. Referring to championship adult athletes as 'girls'... just ew. Come on. Overall, not the worst book I've read, but could do a lot better to respect my time. Don't buy this book if you want concrete advice on a topic you've lived with, contemplated, and fought with for your whole life though. If you want an easy read and you've only just discovered you're a perfectionist, there's probably some useful information here for you.

I loved this book, it's easy to read but it really breaks down the dynamics of perfectionism with practical and logical solutions without being patronising. As someone finishing grad school I can attest to how much of a stranglehold perfectionism can have, but this book has changed my way of approaching work and goals.

Amaizng

I like how the author takes you on the journey of self-understanding so you become comfortable in your own skin and just start whatever it is you want to do!

I really really really liked this book, very helpful and with actually practical advices. Strongly advised to buy and read

Ce livre est super, je suis perfectionniste depuis la plus tendre enfance et ce livre m'a beaucoup aidé. Je recommande aussi Detox your thoughts de Andrea Bonior, avec ces deux livres vous aurez les clés pour vous sortir de la tempête mentale qu'est le perfectionnisme.

Gutes Buch. Würde ich weiter empfehlen.

I really only bought this book because I liked Guise's Minihabits book so much. I didn't really consider myself a perfectionist, but I discovered I could use a lot more information from this book than I expected. I also was concerned this book would have too much overlapping content from Guise's Minihabits book and blog posts, but it had a lot that I hadn't seen before. PROS: First, the structure of this book is really clear and usable. I loved that Guise didn't waste our time with a lot of "here's how to know if you're a perfectionist" drivel and instead focused on understanding perfectionism, its causes, and its solutions. In particular, I found Guise's review of the academic literature on perfectionism to be both conscientious and valuable. It does seem true that when academics are talking about perfectionism being good, they are focusing on the aspects that aren't really a focus on perfection (like "seeking excellence" or "being organized"). Guise also does a great job simplifying the categories that the academics used and adding ones of his own when needed. Next, Guise does a great job explaining how perfectionism has to be perceived as something bad if any real progress is to be made. So long as you are secretly congratulating yourself on your "flaw" of wanting everything to be perfect, you won't understand just how pervasive the problem is or be very effective in changing it. Thirdly, Guise flummoxed me by introducing new (to me) aspects of perfectionism: insisting that the context be perfect in order for you to take action ("I'm going to speak up at the meeting at work today...no, actually, Jamie's here, and he talks too much so no one will hear me...or, oh no, it's an AFTERNOON meeting this time, well, that's a loss because I'll be too tired...or, I'm sitting right next to the boss? that's too much stress, forget it; I won't speak up.") and goal size (assuming a goal has to be a "Standard American Goal"--something other people would use as a goal, a big chunk of obvious success rather than small goals of incremental progress). I didn't think I was very perfectionistic until I read about these kinds. I can see how I've fallen into these perfectionisms time and time again, and just from reading Guise's book, I've already made a lot of progress in changing the way I think about context and goal size. This is especially important to people who liked Guise's Minihabits book, because if you are like me, you added some great minihabits, made a lot of progress, and yet still felt somehow whiny and unsatisfied because you were fixated on the external "standardized" major goal. In my case, this meant I made a lot of daily progress in writing a book, but I still felt bad because I didn't have "Publish a book" checked off my imaginary perfectionist list. Why should "publish a book" be the goal? It's too big a chunk to be focusing on right now. I just got lulled into insisting my life wasn't right until this "society-approved" goal was done, and I didn't think any smaller goals or a life of progress could count for anything. Guise makes a lot of other great points throughout the book, but I don't have time to detail them all! :) I will say that Guise's humor is a plus. CONS: Because this book was GREAT!, I have mostly nitpicky things to say as cons. The one thing I don't think is nitpicky is that Guise could use a broader group of examples. Nearly all his examples were about exercise, writing, and asking for dates. It is nice to write what you know, but it's also important to know your audience, and I'm sure many of Guise's readers would appreciate seeing how his concepts work for a more varied group of activities and goals (e.g. environmental goals, meetings at work, repairing a broken marriage, childrearing, saving money, investing, volunteering, apologizing, traveling, doing taxes, caring for an elderly person, being sick, getting along with difficult coworkers, etc.). Probably Guise drew from his own experience and those of his friends, but he may need to ask family members or other people of varying demographic groups (age, marital status, etc) to get ideas for more examples. That said, many readers will do fine adapting Guise's examples to their own cases without any trouble. Now for the nitpicky things: I had hoped for a discussion of perfectionism regarding OTHERS' actions, and that never really came up. If your perfectionism takes the form of insisting that others behave in a certain way, should the action steps be any different? (For example, I often let my husband do the dishes, then I obsess about the food gunk that is still on them afterward, and that makes him feel bad.) Are there any complicating features we need to be aware of? Most perfectionists I know do have a problem in interacting with others, because their own need for perfect results makes them micromanage or scold other people. Should this be handled any differently than more personal forms of perfectionism? Would it matter if the relationship is long-term or just a momentary interaction with a stranger? (e.g. "That cashier just bagged my meat with my vegetables!") Most of Guise's examples involve either no interaction with other people (e.g. exercise) or very limited response from others (e.g. you ask for a date, the other person says "yes" or "no.") Guise also uses the phrase "sunken cost" repeatedly, which I found very awkward. I'm sure "sunken" is better grammar than "sunk cost," but I've only ever heard the phrase "sunk cost," and at some point common use wins out over formalized grammar. It really threw me off trying to read that passage smoothly. Lastly (see how nitpicky I have to be to find flaws?), Guise recommends lying down in public to get over one's fear of social disapproval and says it is harmless. In most places this is probably harmless, but where I lived before (not the U.S.), men actually did this, in order to look up women's skirts. (Often they kept a hand mirror in their pockets for when the angles weren't quite right.) Anyway, just be aware that if you do this, especially if you are male, it may not be perceived as harmless by everybody. Again, probably in most places this won't be an issue. All in all, this was a fantastic book! The cons were really unimportant, and the pros made this book a delight. I especially appreciated Guise's humorous tone. Occasionally, it would even wax a little poetic, like when he wrote: "It's like seeing a dense fog in the woods: danger may lurk behind it, but the allure of its mystery still draws in the curious ones." Nice! I am really happy that this book was so practical and fun.

I was looking for a different approach in perfeccionism, and I found it! Very helpful book. I can already see some changes in my behavior in just one week.