Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides) Paperback – September 1, 2015

This book has taught me how anger is an emotion that raises when someone's needs aren't met. Instead of thinking about how upset a person is, focus on getting them to verbalize the need that is being unmet. Focus on observations, the feeling, the value and the need (request). I will try to employ some of these points into my day to day life.

I first want to indicate that the five stars I am awarding this book is not because everything was perfect. There are a lot of issues I have with how the chapters are ordered, the flow of the book, etc, but the content of this book is so helpful and necessary to humans that it certainly compensates for the other faults of the book.A weirdly titled book, sure, but a necessary read nonetheless. Essentially, humans don’t do a very good job at communicating with each other. The author suspects this is due to some communication patterned that came to exist when their were kings and servants, but regardless of where it came from, it certainly exists now.Have you every felt attacked when someone said something? Have you ever reacted to a statement instead of actually contemplating it. This book is able to teach us why we act the way we do and how to better communicate our feelings, wants, and needs all in a couple sentences. When we say “I feel...” “I think...” generally these are not expressing our feelings, but rather some thought. For example, “I feel like a lazy slob today”. That isn’t a feeling. That’s an interpretation of the situation we are in through our own mental prism. What we should say is “I feel discouraged from working due to the topic of the work I am working on.” Expressing what we are feeling helps us to figure out what we really need (so that when we talk to someone for advice/help, we can more effectively obtain that assistance).The breakdown of the method is as follows: 1) Determine what we are observing; 2) Determine what we are feeling; 3) Determine what we are needing; 4) Determine what we would like to request in order to fulfill that need. If we can follow these simple steps as humans, the constant complaining and miscommunication that constantly occurs between us would dramatically decrease (not go away completely of course). Our inabilities to determine what we are actually feeling and most importantly, to express that to whoever we ware talking to (and feel relatively comfortable doing so) is what really hinders us as humans.One way to get better at communicating is to sit back and think about what we are feeling an to express that to others. Don’t just react to what someone says, but rather say what their statements/words made you feel. To advance your progress, try to get other people to express what they are feeling. Try to guess at their thoughts (if you guess wrong that is okay, they will likely correct you and lead you in the right direction). For example, if someone says to you “I can’t believe the weather person got the predictions wrong again! This is crazy!”. You could easily reply with “It sounds like you’re upset that the predictions weren’t correct.” The person might continue on and get to why they are really expressing their thoughts (perhaps because they really wanted to go for a walk with a family member that day but it had to be canceled due to the poor weather). This is all about receiving someone’s words empathically. Listening for feelings and trying to guess at them could really help you and the other person out in terms of effectively communicating with one another.Overall, this is a fantastic book. A book that I wish was mandated in schools, in businesses, etc. I promise you will pull out something useful from this book and subconsciously start employing some of the information you learned. And if you can diligently practice what it teaches, that would be even better. Words are the easiest way for people to hurt one another and to cause problems. If we can better communicate to achieve the desirable outcome for both parties involved, then that would lead to a more satisfying and happy life.

will reread this multiple times, but i believe it has many important lessons and can help develop a life-changing mental framework

This isn’t just another communication guide—it’s a complete shift in how you connect with others (and yourself). Rosenberg masterfully reveals how to truly understand what someone else is experiencing and needing—and how to create a win-win that allows you both to thrive.

The book came in, and I was so excited to read it but found out the cover was bent, so I immediately started having bad thoughts.Anyways, I started reading it and it was alright, but the content is so cliche that even my little sibling knows about these stuff. I thought I would actually be learning something when I kept reading and reading the same stuff over and over.Content is good, but I don’t think it’s for normal people who already know a bit on communication. I would definitely recommend this to kids aged 8-14 though because they are the hardest to communicate with.

This book is legitimately life changing.I first checked this book out at the library, however I found myself really needing to take time as I read it. The beginning is about learning to identify your own needs and verbalize what you really mean. I didn't realize the extent I wasn't doing that.(This is about the book, but it's also something I really wish university students and their parents knew)For example, it talks about taking responsibility for what you're doing and it used grading papers as an example. When I was a prof at a university, if I could have I would have done away with grades. They are a better reflection of the skills a student enters a course with than how they performed in the course. Students who already knew the material from more advanced courses would get As with minimal effort, while students who were actually L E A R N I N G would get lower grades because their work at the beginning was weak. But putting grades at just the end of the course stress them out. Ultimately what makes far more sense for learning and preparing students for work is a pass/fail system. But that's not what the schools want. So I would assign grades because the school made me assign them. ... Until I read that example in the book.The school never forced me to do it. I did it, but I did it because I would loose my job in other words. That's the example in the book. A teacher needing to say, "I assign grades because I want to keep my job." It puts the responsibility on the teacher but also explains that the consequences that were set up by forces outside her control.So, I tried to internalize it. "I assign grades because I want to keep my job." That when it finally, really sunk in that while I love teaching I hated teaching as an occupation. I don't want to spend all my time assigning grades to essays clearly written just before the deadline and with no real consideration or thought. I hated it for myself and then. But I "had" to do it. By stating "I assign grades because I want to keep my job" it became clear that I wasn't there to teach students and have a lasting positive impact on them, I was there to serve the university's need to make money. I don't blame them. Funding on a federal level was cut and supposed to be reinstated by now but it never was, so universities simply CANNOT function as they were intended to. And the increasing price of colleges and universities? That mostly goes to administration and other non-academic areas. It's not going to the professors. So I realized I should quit a job I hate for a job that I might still hate but pays me triple what the school did.The change has significantly eased my depression in a way medication, therapy, life style changes, diet, yoga, mediation, and exercise never could. It's not even a small exaggeration that it changed my life.And that.That was JUST the first few chapters of this book.

I have not finished this book yet, but I absolutely love it. The author does an exceptional delivery and use of verbiage to make concepts relatable and the principles easy to understand. I also purchased the companion workbook (Living Non-Violent Communication).

Very well written, but it’s the kind of book you need to go through at a leisurely pace. It’s like a text book.