Living with limerence: A guide for the smitten

A review on Amazon stated that this book excuses infidelity. Pg 80 the first words on the page: Why affairs are a terrible idea. Definitely nothing the author says encourages someone to have an affair. The author encourages the opposite Do not have an affair. I want to correct this error as it may discourage people who are in need of help from reading this book. I’ve personally experienced Limerence twice in my lifetime and I got the book to hopefully be able to prevent it from ever happening again. The description of what it’s like and the dark side was spot on for me. A lot of therapists don’t know anything about this condition as I have mentioned it to two that I’ve had and both looked at me blankly. One said it was a ‘love addiction’. But it’s not that it’s different. Love addiction is the addiction to the feeling of falling in love. Limerance is addiction to a person. The author runs a website for a community of people who suffer in this way. It’s real and knowing I'm not alone made me feel as though I wasn’t loosing my mind. Only recently have I had the courage to look at what this was for me and how to heal myself and how to prevent it from happening again. It’s taken me 5 years to even circle back. This book is a great aid to help with understanding yourself, healing and accepting what you have. In my case I experienced years of physical abuse as a child. fantasy was my way of coping with what my parents were doing. As a child I often fantasized about having a loving mother and being apart of a loving family. This was my way of surviving the abuse. As I grew fantasy became my go to way to regulate my emotions because that was what worked in childhood. My first limerant episode happened when I was 12 and lasted 3 years. I was still just a kid. At that age I had no idea why I was mentally stuck and couldn’t get out of the loop I was in. I Knew nothing about the term limerance and I had no one safe to share what I was experiencing with. I endured it alone. It happened again at 36. This time googling my symptoms helped me figure out that I wasn’t going crazy. I found information about limerance and was able to start therapy. My first therapist really didn’t understand this and did not help me at all. It wasn’t until I met my second therapist that we have been able to work through so much that stems from my dysfunctional childhood. The book recommends disclosing to your spouse if you’re married which I did early on. The second limerant episode was triggered by deep loneliness in my marriage. The book address how if you become limerant for someone outside of your marriage it’s a sign that something is wrong in your marriage. That was so true for me. I was limerant for 9 months before my husband was able to disclose his stuff to me. The dark side of limerance is feeling like it takes over your brain. For me I turned a corner and once the process started there was no way of going back. I wanted nothing more to make it stop but I couldn’t. It was all day every day for several years the second time around. Once I got in therapy I was able to address my childhood and give myself closure with the last LO. Closure did not come from him. I agree with the book that disclosure to your LO usually does not help. It’s something you have to work through and definitely a good therapist can help with that. Limerance will stay with me as a unique way of navigating life. My self awareness has given me choices so I need not be afraid of it anymore. Self awareness can help me recognize where I’m at and respond to situation's in new ways. I will be able to protect myself better in the future. After having lived through limerance twice this book is just spot on. Great starting place for someone suffering. If your suffering do not go it alone. Disclosure to your spouse, a trusted friend, a good therapist or getting involved in an online community of limerants would be extremely helpful.

This book beautifully articulates the experience of limerance while providing evidence-based explanations for its occurrence. It is also a quick read not bogged down by information those outside of the field of psychology may struggle to digest.

If you are wondering about limerence this will help you immensely. It is reader friendly yet science backed. It shed light on what was a perplexing relationship to us. Grateful our therapist friend recommended it. Now we do to you!

This book is great overall. I could relate to so much of it..at first.. until it got to the topic of infidelity. Too much of it focused on that, and I felt like it was distracting at times. In Chapter 10: the key stages of limerent, the later stages only applied to people who were limerent for someone else and being unfaithful to their partner. I could not relate to this at all. Plus, I felt like the book excused cheating by demonizing the limerent object, although in reality chances are that person may have not done anything wrong. It's the person cheating who should be held accountable. There's a part in Chapter 18 where it says "It is you and them against the world. LO (limerent object) is an interloper attacking the pair bond." I felt that was unfair, because it isn't necessarily that person who is at fault that someone else who's in a relationship is infatuated with them. So I took off a star for this. I understand that infidelity does happen, but it shouldn't be excused and the person doing it should be the one held accountable. Otherwise, I liked the book. It does help put things into perspective, and helps one understand ways of dealing with and overcoming limerence.

Five stars only because I can't give it six. Concise, well-organized and solution orientated. I've had 3 LOs in three different 12-Step Fellowships; a brunette, a blonde and an I'm not sure. I met the last LO in a phone meeting. Monomaniacal attraction in a phone meeting? I may want to look at my limerence. Went no contact with all 3. As much as possible, I attend only Men's meetings. If I'm in a co-ed meeting and I detect any glimmer toward another member, I never go back to that meeting. I'm powerless over limerence and my life is unmanageable. Gave a copy of book to my therapist and he liked it too.

Knowledge is power! I always thought I was just obsessy when it came to relationships until I learned what limerance was. This book breaks it down and helped me get out of a limerant state. A must have if you are prone to it.

I loved reading this book and finished it in one day. It was extremely well written, informative and backed up by science and research. Highly recommending it to Limerents and mental health professionals.

Having ordered Living with limerence a guide, the guide gives a narrow narrative of what its like to live with limerence but doesn't seem to give a lot of exposure to the actual process. Jouissance Sexuality, Suffering and satisfaction gives a greater degree of detail and exposure to what a limerence episode is like. I think there's useful language in both books but I prefer Jouissance Sexuality, Suffering and satisfaction over Living with Limerence a guide for the smitten.

Lovely take on Limerence and many angles of the diamond cut and it's analysis however Lucy Bain's The Limerent Mind covers in depth on what is covered here and more.

Easy to read, understand and implement strategies delineated in here. I read it cover to cover during a long flight, seeking tools to overcome my unhealthy tendencies.

An excellent book on this subject. Easy to read and understand

This book is a must for someone utterly mystified by their own obsessive, preoccupied, repeated fantasy bonding to woefully unsuitable people. Why do some people take up so much real-estate in your head? There is an addiction here, and it is to the delicious fantasy of this particular person wanting you. It's all fun and games until you're not getting what you want. And then it's just devastating. But instead of walking away, you plot, scheme and lose yourself in a subconscious desire to win them over. Every action is carefully orchestrated to get more attention from your Limerence Object. But you need to be really honest with yourself to see it and only then can you consciously choose to end it.

It is a good book, but nothing u cant find on the internet