Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Original Edition)

Good read, very educational.

I wasn’t exactly thrilled when my mentor suggested she thought I could be dealing with codependency. I started researching and decided to find a book and stumbled across this. After reading great reviews I bought it and started reading and read through half the book in one day. It’s so good. It is thorough in explaining what codependency is and how it looks different for different people. You don’t walk away feeling embarrassed or ashamed but enlightened and equipped. Within a WEEK I was recognizing my codependent tendencies and behaviors and am so aware of them I’m now able to catch most things before I even do them. It’s been a game changer in my relationships especially with my husband. So thankful i found this book!

Great book. Helpful explaining and things to implement to make your life better.

I keep purchasing this book to hand to clients. Glad to see a 2022 edition, with writing exercises, always a prompt to at least THINK about how you'd answer. And of course, I see myself despite being a therapist for 50 years, and offering advice in a regular column... so it's good to GET advice from someone who has truly been through the worst of the worst and come out loving and generous of heart.

I feel I am a prime example of a codependant that I should be studied and questioned by several doctors. Main question they all would ask is "how did you live this long feeling so many.... Negative emotions??" As she states in here, the first step toward healing isn't acceptance, but AWARENESS. I bought this book awhile ago in desperation to see where things went wrong in an awful relationshi(t). As I always did, buying books, workout DVDs, etc, all these things I was excited for that will help me feel better about me and bring a new me! But as always, all those "fixes" collected dust as I lay on the couch or driving from A to B, reflecting, wallowing in self pity and falling deeper into depression. That lifestyle not only was my 20s but teen years as well. A worry wart on tight-rope named Anxiety looking at people live happily... I wish I could explain exactly where or when I started to see clearly, whichever "quote" I came across that helped me rise above my self-inflicted shi(t)storm... But basically I realized that the most important thing in life is attitude, and no one else is responsible for my emotions but ME. Sure, I was crushed and heartbroken by awful people, what I realized was that's a reflection of THEM. What got to me most was I wanted people to suffer for injustices not just on me but other lives in pain inflicted by mean people and narcissists(which I don't believe is a term to be used lightly). So much pain I've carried around. FOR YEARS. Finally, while moving and clearing clutter, I found this book again and stopped everything to start reading it. As I stated above, the only person responsible for my emotions is me, and this book delves into this and stretches this fact in ways so many people can comprehend and find a point where epiphanies are inevitable and one can benefit. I feel it to be versatile. Like many people are saying, it does reference alcoholism quite a bit, which was never really an issue in my circumference of humans, but that doesn't mean I wasn't able to see things in a different perspective, as well as remind me of soo much suffering from friends where alcolohism is the base of dysfunction. I've always been an empathetic, sensitive person who always feels helpless... and this book is a must-have tool for anyone and everyone who are trying to pinpoint their blame, sadness, indulgences, or whatever is keeping them from being the best person they can be. As she also states, there is no one definition/one size fits all, which makes maybe everyone a bit codependent IMHO, maybe not as habitual or harrowing as others, depending on ones life chapters/circumstances or situations... But in a way it helped see that we are more relatable. Definitely recommend for useful tips, and to gain a different perspective that perhaps wasn't computing before. Ha. So glad I finally read this book, and I hope it brings comfort and light to those lost in their own minds ❤️

Having just finished three different books about violence, abuse, and trauma, this one was my favorite. This book offers a compassionate and accessible introduction to understanding codependent patterns and shifting toward healthier boundaries. It blends personal stories, practical insights, and gentle guidance in a way that feels supportive rather than overwhelming. While it isn’t a step‑by‑step manual, it provides a strong foundation for anyone beginning to recognize unhealthy dynamics and wanting to reclaim their sense of self. Readers looking for deeper clinical detail may want to supplement it with additional resources, but as a starting point for awareness and change, it’s a meaningful and empowering read.

This book has been a tremendous help for me. Ira gapped me with my anxiety & codependency. I’ve highlighted many points and will go back and read them again when I need a pick me up or reminder of just who the heck I am.

Codependency, like people, comes in many forms... Mine was not from alcoholic parents, or alcoholic family members, or drug abuse, but something just as hurtful and deep... being sexually molested as a child. It's amazing to see how something can alter one's life, in ways we don't see, but feel and continue to feel as gown ups if we don't get the internal and emotional help we need when we face something as devastating and traumatic as a child. We carry it on to our relationships... the painful relationships we feel so sure that we are able to fix, because we feel it in ourselves to fix, yet we put off fixing ourselves. We choose to overlook our needs, or wants, our dreams trying to fulfill someone else's. We feel that if we are able to help someone else, that our internal fears and pain will go away, or at least like a pain killer does to the body... will mask it for the time being. I had two failed marriages - first one I was married to a man with OCD... severe. I felt that I would change this man, that I would be able to make a difference and it didn't, it just made me a very unhappy person, which drove me to a relationship with food, it was a relationship which filled me up, made me mentally content, or so I thought only to see that the only thing from that relationship with food which I gained was weight and I was miserable. I knew that was a relationship I needed to sever, so I began getting help from a counselor and started seeing my unhappy life from a different perspective, getting the help, helped me see that it was not so hard to get out of. Yet I went back to what felt comfortable... and soon after that I went into another relationship, with a alcoholic man which I saw at the time as being a "social drinker"... another "victim" which I felt I could help, I could cure, I could change. Although he is now a recovering alcoholic, he put me through the mental wringer - this too ended in divorce. And then... the married, "I will get a divorce... cheated on his wife with me" boyfriend... three years I was with him and three years I listened to the lies he told me when I would see texts from other women... I lived in constant denial - we would break up and we would get back together... it was always me who wanted to make it work. Two days ago was the last straw! I said NO MORE!!! Wake up Linda and stop living a Lie!! When I began seeing a counselor again a few months ago, this time with the yearning and longing to make a life change for the choices I make. My doctor suggested I read the book on codependency and I am three quarters through it. I've read so many eye opening moments. It is altering when you see that what you are going through you are not alone, and you begin to understand your worth, not by trying to change someone else's life, but by making the choice of taking control of yours! This book is helping my inner child grow up and see myself for the genuine and amazing person I am - I have so much to give myself! So much love, attention and respect! I have always looked for that in others, when really no one can give it to me if I don't give it to myself first! I have a new perspective on my life and the relationships I will allow in my life. Life is about choices... it's never too late to reevaluate and improve on oneself - this book has helped me open up my eyes to that! I am not closing them, and when I blink, I will reflect on the lessons I have learned from my failed relationships and my will to know the difference and to make a change for only better!