It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse―and How You Can, Too

I highly recommend Winifred Reilly's book to anyone who's married/partnered and looking to make positive change in their relationship. Like Reilly, I used to think that "it takes two" to create lasting change in a relationship, but her book offers a much-needed reframe of this idea. Reilly's core message is that it only takes one partner to initiate meaningful change in a marriage, an idea I find both reassuring and refreshing. I just finished the book two days ago and I've already found myself implementing some of Reilly's suggestions in my marriage and life.In the past when I've read books on marriage, I've often found myself tuning out when they get too theoretical or preachy. But with Reilly's book, I was fully engaged in every chapter. The book is filled with an entertaining mix of stories from Reilly's own marriage and her clinical therapy practice, and I loved the takeaway summaries at the end of each chapter. I found myself dog-earing nearly every other page in the book, wanting to make sure I remember gems like:"It turns out that once we stop having grass-is-greener fantasies and stop bemoaning our fate, we can get busy trying to make happen what matters to us, what will have the greatest chance of making a difference. We can work to unhook ourselves from our repetitive struggles. We can challenge the rules that we've allowed to constrain us. When we do, marriage really does get better." - p. 192"Forty years of nonstop ecstasy is a lot to ask. Marriage is not about living in bliss, though we've certainly been led to think it should be. Happiness comes from learning how to live well with what's hard to adore. In a good marriage, we strive to love each other in spite of our annoyances and shortcomings. We open our hearts to someone who is imperfect. That includes people who scowl or chew loudly or don't fold their wash." - p. 237Whether you're newly married or have been married for decades, whether you're feeling solid in your relationship or wobbling on thin ice, I encourage you to read It Takes Two to Tango. You'll laugh, you'll think, you'll challenge your own myths about marriage, and most of all, you'll feel inspired to take charge and make change in your own relationship. As Reilly says at the end of her book, "One person must take the first step. Why not let that person be you?"

I loved this book.The real life examples that seemed to be based on my life rather than hers or her clients'.The gentle yet firm challenge of taking responsibility for myself and for what I say I want in my relationship - fully.The tenderness, gentleness and persistence with which Winifred reinforces her message again and again and again, using different metaphors, case studies and approaches to do so.Perhaps more than anything else I loved that the book not only gave me a deper context and understanding of my own failed relationships, but also the belief that my next one can (and will) be different, as I will be different.

I'm only halfway through Winifred's book, but it is wonderful. It is hopeful and helpful and oh so practical. She helps shed light on strategies to make the change we seek, and to let go of futile "I'll be happy when my spouse does X" tactics. While her book acknowledges the challenges of marriage, it also brings levity to the task of working to make things better. Thank goodness for Winifred and this honest, funny, and vulnerable account of her own marriage and how she dug in and did the work to improve her dynamic with her husband by focusing on what she could actually impact—her own behavior (as opposed to his). I'm telling everyone I know to buy this book.

This was a wonderful read and i really enjoyed the fresh perspective. It truly busted the myth that we have been taught that you should not start changing unless you see your spouse changing with you, or even before you. Essentially we are told that if our spouse has certain wrong habits, dont worry about becoming a better person because he/she has not started doing so yet.Only problem i can think of is how long the book was for a message that could have been conveyed in 120 pages or so.

This book will make a tremendous difference to anyone looking to improve their marriage and is really a basic for any long term relationship. The concepts discussed here are spot on and will ring true to anyone willing to take an honest look at themselves. Its a calm, reassuring book, no crazy drama or unrealistic promises involved but leaves the reader feeling hopefull that they can have a better and lasting relationship

Awesome

I recommend this book not just for married couples, but those dating or long term relationships as well. It gives a way more realistic guide - work on yourself, stop expecting anyone is supposed to make you happy, and be the mover. Make the change happen by working little by little on yourself and the relationship. But don’t try to change the other person. Your partner may or may not follow suit, and then you’ll know if the relationship is meant to last. Everyone has history, pain, and fears, just like you. Be compassionate. Lastly, we typically attract the kind of person that will help us grow, who will trigger us, and in turn will give us the opportunity to see and heal ourselves. Marriage is a choice everyday, but I’d further add any relationship is a choice.

Some things in this book are definitely useful for a certain kind of marriage - I would say, one that has a lot of bickering about little things. However, ‘one to tango’ is not quite true. The author did go to a week of intensive couples therapy with her husband, something that would be equal to a weekly therapy for about 3 months, and then her marriage saw improvement.

This guide is encouraging, it suggests a useful way forward. Now I just need to start using the basic strategy suggested.

This book should be handed out with every marriage license! An honest, healthy, helpful insight into the realities of relationships that offers hope where conventional "wisdom" leaves us struggling and stuck. The author's willingness to share openly about the journey of her own less than perfect marriage (despite being a professional marriage counsellor!) is very encouraging and it really illustrates how much of a difference this approach can make when even someone with that much training finds it to be life changing, both professionally and personally. Highly recommend! .

This was a great book about what to do when in a marriage you want things to be different! Sometimes the answer isn’t where we automatically think it is….Reading this book has helped me to focus on where real change can happen!

I was really thrilled with the condition of this book and found it is also a great book. It is written specifically for people who are married and I also found that it had value in the wider context of relationships.

Good info.