The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Paperback – September 1, 2010

Melissa's book "ADHD Effect on Marriage" is like a Bible for couples in troubled relationships due to the fascinating brain condition, that is ADHD. The content, style of writing and the tools offered are excellent, professional and most of all practical & actionable. The author is able to display the positive and negative aspects of Adult ADHD when it is not treated appropriately, by acknowledging the difficulties of both spouses equally. Melissa has had the firsthand experience of being in an ADHD relationship and being able to work through it, which puts her high up along with other professionals, and in my book may be even more.I see a lot of comparisons to Gina Pera's book "Is it you me or Adult A.D.D.?" in the other reviews, but I don't think there's any need for comparing the two books because even though both talk about ADHD they both have very different approaches. It is important to see what fits for each person. That doesn't make Melissa's book or tools any less important or valid. I am a Mental Health professional in the field of Social Work as well as an individual with a partner who has ADHD. Melissa's experience and knowledge as described in her book not only helped me to a great extent to understand the dynamics of my own relationship, but helped many of my clients as well to whom I have recommended the book. I believe that Melissa speaks the language which is familiar to anyone with ADHD without hurting anyone and also is able to guide couples very well through her detailed descriptions and steps in the book. I highly appreciate her passion, sincerity and dedication to share the knowledge to help others who are in a similar situation, through the journey of recovery and healing from the "ADHD effect" (as she says). Anyone who has lived with a partner with ADHD can easily identify with the dynamics Melissa has described in the book. I like the fact that she talks about `denial' in both spouses and places emphasis on the symptoms and responses that play a major role in ADHD affected relationships. I can see that it could be difficult for some non ADHD spouses to accept their part and it is part of that process of passing through the stage of denial which appears to be the most important phase for both spouses to move forward. I can understand this from my own experience. I would say that it is important for both the spouses to make a conscious choice and decision to remain in the relationship and work through the problems, after understanding the positive and negative factors of ADHD in a relationship. This book will play a major role in facilitating that understanding. It also gives great insight into both realities of ADHD and non ADHD and will help the spouses appreciate the differences which is the main key in the process of repairing the relationship. I haven't found a better resource than this book if one is interested in reversing the patterns that are common in ADHD affected relationships. I would highly recommend this book and give Melissa all the credit for her excellent work in this field. I also wish her all the best and success for her future work, much of which is needed as we have just started to understand Adult ADHD and there's a long way to go.

Update: Oh, how important it is that this material be presented widely! And, learned while young, could likely prevent years of heartbreak & harmful personality adaptation patterns which are hard to break when well established and layered with the challenges of aging.My DH has refused to invest in the thousands of dollars over the course of the first year that therapy or coaching for him, therapy for me re: eggshell/walking living, and the all important therapy for the marriage would require. He became (apparently predictably) depressed, when, once medicated, he began to take in his large part in our difficulties. It had been his pattern all through the years to dismiss and blame me, and now I expected real improvement, and it seemed valid, yet overwhelming. His behavior became more passive-aggressive and deteriorated to the point I could no longer live in the same household, for my own sanity, waiting for a "good moment" with him, much less anything requiring compassion and forethought. He doesn't believe in the available help, after so many costly therapy sessions that went nowhere. He's tired & hopeless before he really began. I am going through a difficult divorce now, yet believe it must be for the best.Help get this into the hands of young people, and some inexpensive way for average folks to be personally guided, as books and ADHD often don't mix well. Thank you, also, for your teleseminar, Melissa. It was well done. I may retrain to assist in this field, seeing the huge need.Melissa has done an excellent job of laying out the ramifications of un or under addressed ADHD's effect on marriage. What is sorely needed now is a weekend workshop for couples and therapist certification in the methods recommended here.With 16 years of this marital challenge behind us, divorce was very much on it's way, and yet with this book we both have a new ally, a resurgence of hope. I will go to the next therapist, put this in his or her hands, and say "read this, and handle us this way".Something resembling the Gottman's weekends and therapist training is needed to offer a lifeline to the many couples headed for divorce unnecessarily, if they just had help. Interactive settings are often much better in getting through to ADHD folks than books. Having a respected presenter say the same things the non-ADHD partner is trying to express should increase credibility, and open the door to understanding. Books are simply not enough. A non-profit method to provide this help to lower income folks would have a huge impact.It may be too late for us. We needed to put to use this type of information and support a very long time ago, and while I have read many current, excellent books on the subject, this one hits home as the best. Hope we can scrape ourselves together for another try.Thank you, thank you, Melissa for bringing forth this validating, useful, wise book.

A must read. Very helpful for one who is married or in a relationship with someone with a diagnosis of ADHD. As the non-ADHD partner, this book gives real life examples and things to look for. It completely reframes behaviors, responses, and relationships within the ADHD context. Not only does it explain the thought processes and habits of the person with ADHD, it gives the non-ADHD partner coping and response strategies. They have been helpful. Thank you!

Apparently something to consider before dating or marrying. If I could do it again, I would side step those with ADHD, even dating! It was not recognized in the 70’s, been together 50 years now (married 47, in marriage counseling 3 times and have 2 ADHD children). One of the counselors mentioned my husband having it; but never explored it as perhaps a source of the problem. My husband listened to the audio version, never been medicated with no interest in adapting any new strategies. He was proud of himself for staying faithful (although lines have been crossed). Glad to hear there is such a thing as support groups for the non-ADHD spouse/parent - that brought some validation to my tired heart and soul. Only God kept us together, beating the odds (higher divorce rate likely).