The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why? Paperback – January 1, 2013

When I first saw Gary Thomas' Book 'The Sacred Search' I sighed and thought, 'great, another over spiritualized book on dating and marriage--as if there are not enough of them already.' But knowing Thomas wrote a highly recommend book on Marriage (Sacred Marriage) I thought I would give it a try. Thomas captured me with the first chapter and he kept me fully engaged through out the book. What makes Thomas' book stand above the rest is his casual tone and brutal honesty. He is one of the first to present a very honest and clear picture of what dating and marriage entails. He even challenges the reader to think clearly about who they are before giving all of that up for someone else. It is a great book to read while single--so you can develop you thoughts about who you are and what you are honestly and realistically looking for in a mate--so you do not allow your thoughts to be swayed by your current relationship. Yet even if you find yourself in a relationship while reading this book Thomas includes discussion questions at the end of each chapter that would be great to honestly go over and discuss with your potential spouse. Finally Thomas won me over by discussing the ideas: marriage is about relational vision and that vision ought to be to seek first in all things the kingdom of heaven, that 'The One' does not exist, if you are still single and want to be married get off your butt and start dating because your spouse is not going to knock on your door some day and say 'I'm Here!', That just because you love someone does not mean that you should get married to them, and finally he was honest about sexual tension in a dating relationship and even admits that when a couple is about to get married and they are not struggling with sexual temptation that he fears for their marriage. He actually says at this point in the relationship you should have to use all the restraint you have to not have sex. He then concludes it is better to marry than to burn with passion. With these honest reflections and causal tone I cannot help but hold high respect for Thomas and what he accomplishes in this work. DO NOT GET MARRIED BEFORE READING THIS BOOK!

EXCELLENT resource for singles of any age, whether never-married, widows, widowers or divorced contemplating remarriage!! Gary Thomas' writing style makes this rich book easy to read and he often writes as though speaking to the reader in a friendly, personal way. It is full of very thoughtful and wise reflections and advice based on his years of experience working with people. The book is right on target, in my estimation, about what any Christian should consider when looking for a husband or wife for a solid, committed marriage. It confirmed many of my own thoughts. While Amazon Prime is fast, I downloaded this book and devoured it in a couple days. This should be in every pastor's office or church library. It would be a helpful resource for grief counselors as well, to recommend to those folks who have managed their way through grief after the death of a husband or wife and at the appropriate time feel ready to move on. If I could, I'd give this six stars!!

As I say with any book of Gary Thomas', he's written the best book I've read on several subjects, including this one.I was enriched by "Sacred Search" at the absolutely perfect season. I was mostly revived from the heartbreak of losing my first marriage and wondering whether it was possible to blunder less the second time around. While this book seems directed to young folks coming to marriage the first time, it helped me understand the mechanics of my first marriage's failure and what really mattered in finding a better match the second time around.Let me emphasize how important this book is, even if you're already married. My first marriage involved two very good people who sincerely wanted to do what God wanted. It ended in total frustration, with one person out of the faith and the other involuntarily dismissed. Had we had this template for understanding ourselves and each other, I would like to think we could have negotiated our challenges with understanding and greater acceptance.When you read through this with someone with whom you're getting serious (each with their own copy to mark up), it facilitates the conversation. It will not let you leave the hard questions unasked.Don't be put off by the somewhat unromantic tone with which the book begins (the outgrowth of his extensive counseling with troubled couples.) "Sacred Search" is very rich and inspiring. So much good counsel beyond marriage, too. "It's not just about what we do for God; it's about who we become in God. When I keep relating to God, I literally become a different person, so there's always someone new for my wife to get to know. The same is true for me with her" (p.175). So much information about laying a foundation for a marriage that stays fresh and vital.